The Backside (Not to Be Confused with the Darkside!)

We all know that the backside of a beautiful work of cross stitch, unless done by a super-duper expert, looks nothing like the front view. While the finished work usually presents an aesthetically pleasing feast for the eyes, the back--not so much. It's more a tangle of threads going every which way, giving little or no clue to the attractive front. Oftentimes God's working in our lives seems like that.

There are times when the events in our lives mimic the backside of a cross stitch piece. Sometimes there seems to be no rhyme or reason for things that happen. Why did God answer in such and such a way? Why did He allow this evil to befall His child? Why? Why? Why?

Sorry, fellas, but this side of eternity there will be many a time when we will not be privy to those answers. "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then (when we see Jesus) face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known" (1 Corinthians 13:11). But every now and then ...

In my book Living the Dream I make reference to the fact that when God told my first husband and me to leave Mexico, the land in which our hearts and ministry were invested, we were devastated. Why would He ask us such a thing? Why would He punish us this way?

But we obeyed, making the move stateside under extremely difficult circumstances. Then began the process of acclimating ourselves to what seemed like a new culture, we had been absent from it so many years.

It was not easy. Many times my husband and I held hands in bed in the wee hours of the night and all but cried, our spirits broken and sad. My heart cried out, "Why? Why? Why?" The heavens were brass. We heard no answer. But seven years later ...

Seven years later my help meet, the father of my children, went home to be with the Lord. It made no sense. I had seen him healed miraculously from two infirmities over the years, yet in his final illness, though he never wavered in his stance of faith in the Lord in regard to health and healing--he died!

For me to die would have made more sense, but Steve? He was the one who believed God for 20/20 vision after a surgery--and got it (I had better eyes, had the same surgery, and did NOT get 20/20 vision). He was the one who prayed for our boys NOT to need surgery on their broken and dislocated fingers (yes, both of them were scheduled for similar surgeries the same day--think INSURANCE NIGHTMARE, it took months for the insurance to finally understand that there were two teenagers in the family, both in the hospital the same day)--and the doctor was able to fix the fingers without surgeries and the pins he had prognosticated. Yup, Steve was a man of staunch, unwavering faith.

I take umbrage when I hear TV preachers say anyone who succumbs to an illness must be harboring a secret sin. Excuse me? That smacks of what the Pharisees accused sick people of during Jesus's walk on earth! Even Jesus's disciples equated sickness with sin! But what did Jesus tell them when they asked who was to blame for the sin that caused the blind guy's infirmity? Jesus said that no one had sinned, the guy was blind "that the works of God should be made manifest in him" (John 9:3). Sometimes what we go through isn't about us--it's about a story played out to glorify God.

I lived with the guy for many years and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that when Steve Muse met his Maker, he was as close to the Lord as close could be. There was no "hidden sin". What's more, over the years I had seen his character improve to such an extent that sometimes I would whine to the Lord about it. "Lord, I want to improve and change as much as he has!" No, people, there was no secret sin. So if he knew how to stand on God's Word, why did he die? The answer: tapestry backside! But God did give me a little peek of the front!

I can tell you definitively that without my partner, if we had still been residing in another country at the time of his death, I would have moved back. How much easier the transition was made by having him with us when we made the move.

For many reasons, we felt it expedient that I return to teaching at that time, with Steve remaining in full time ministry. During our tenure in Mexico, however, the art of teaching in the States had made great strides in technology and pedagogy. Frankly, I don't think I could have transitioned into the new way of doing things without Steve's encouragement. But the extremely intimidating newfangled ways were tempered and successfully adapted to with his help.

After his death, I was flabbergasted at the realization that God had allowed us to return to the States with Steve because of His mercy. He knew the time of Steve's death and prepared us as a family for it. There are other practical things that amazed me that God did to prepare for Steve's leave taking. I might not know the reasons Steve was taken home when he was, but I do know that it was God's mercy that led us out from Mexico when He did. We had felt like it was a punishment, when all along it was His mercy. Wow.

Decades later God strikes again.

Driving back home from picking up granddaughter Sophia from Texas, Dennis and I received a crushing bit of news. A few minutes later we received a second blow from another quarter. Our hearts felt literally crushed. The pain was real, the pain was overwhelming.

Did we know that on that particular day we would receive such devastating news? Of course not. We didn't have a crystal ball and God had not deemed it necessary to reveal it to us ahead of time. What God did do was provide that way of escape He talks of in 1 Corinthians 10:13. In His mercy and kindness, He made sure that we would have a little bundle of joy with us on that never-to-be-forgotten day, our little Sophie. Her presence was the balm of Gilead to us, helping us keep our heads above water until we were better able to handle the heartbreak.

We don't know the end of the stories that grieved us yet, but as we pray for God's glory to be manifested, our hearts are at peace. He knew this would happen--and He provided the very thing that would help us navigate through these weighty challenges with His peace and joy.

When Rachel was dying in childbirth, she cried and would not be comforted. Natural, right? But Matthew 2:18 tell us that's only the backside of the tapestry, the part we see. Her crying had a higher meaning, a prophetic meaning. She was crying for the children of Israel who would die in the future. That is why she could not be consoled. Her crying wasn't just about her. It was a prophetic crying expressing the pain and sorrow in God's heart for His wayward children and the babes who centuries later would die near that place.

Many times what we go through is not about us--it might be what is needed to prepare us for His mercy, it might be to put us in a position that will enable us to help others (2 Corinthians 1:4-6), it might be for some other reason. But, whatever the reason, we can rest assured it will always glorify God.

I don't know about you, but the backside of the tapestry is looking pretty good to me right now.

"But none of these things move me ... that I might finish my course with joy" (Acts 20:24).

"... I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure" (Isaiah 46:9-10).

"Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know hereafter" (John 13:7).