Perfection?

I dreaded Mother's Day this year. Tears, prayers, and grumpiness marked the eve of the day. What was wrong with me? Despite being remembered by my children, I couldn't seem to shake off a feeling of malaise. I prayed. I asked God to forgive me for not being suffused with thankfulness for the priceless gifts of my children. I tried putting on the garment of praise (Isaiah 61:3). In desperation , I even toyed with the idea of telling Dennis I would stay home from church on THE day, but I knew in my heart of hearts that was not the answer to this inexplicable melancholy.

Years ago the Lord spoke to me through Psalm 26:12, "My foot standeth in an even place: in the congregations will I bless the Lord." An even place is a place where you can stand firm, where you will not slip. The second part of the verse makes a correlation with standing firm and the congregation (i.e., the church).

Places in Scripture are not pulled out a hat by happenstance; they have intentional meaning. It was at the river of Cherith that God sent ravens to feed Elijah. It was at Zarephath that God prepared a widow to share her food with him. If Elijah had said, "I like Bethlehem better" and had gone to the place of his choosing, it is likely that he would have died from starvation. By going to the place God had prepared, he lived. By not following the dictates of his own heart but that of God's, he reaped God's provision. In like matter, by not following my own heart and instead going to God's established place for the feeding and nurturing of His flock, my mourning was turned to joy.

God met with me at church on Mother's Day and put all my being at sixes and sevens aright. From the mouth of the pastor came words that ministered to me, revealed to me what ailed me, and brought glorious deliverance. I learned two things: 1) my melancholy stemmed from experiencing one of the dreaded "firsts"--my first Mother's Day without my mother (now why hadn't I realized that? I was acting out like a child who does not know how to express what pains him/her--thank God for a man of the cloth who knew how to set me straight!); and 2) though most mothers may not be Proverbs 31 clones (after all, it's hard to compete with a mother who has a bevy of servants at her beck and call!), that does not in any way diminish their worth as mothers.

One of the Scriptures the pastor shared was 2 Timothy 1:5, where Paul counseled Timothy about his faith, saying, "When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also".

Then the pastor spoke a little about the faith that had resided in Timothy's mother and grandmother. It bears repeating: every word in Scripture is intentional. There is always a reason for which one word is used instead of another, just as there is always a reason why something is not said. The passage in Timothy does not say that Timothy's mother and grandmother were perfect. What is does say is that they had faith. However imperfect they might have been, they loved the Lord Jesus. They walked with Him. They followed His precepts. And that defined them as believers of Jesus worthy of honor. Not their being perfect but their loving Jesus and believing in Him.

What an epiphany!

The pastor pointed out that our faith, imperfect as we might be, is all it takes to touch the heart of God. What He is looking for is a heart that seeks after Him (I Samuel 12:14).

As I realized the source of my disquiet--missing Mom--I felt a weight lifted off of me. But even more, it was uplifting to hear my mother's imperfect life (think--working alcoholic) validated; her faith had brought her back to Jesus and, before God, that was her saving grace. What was more, my imperfections as a mother, those memories that still have the power to grieve me (those times when I was less than patient, those times when I let the cares of work and study interfere with my nightly Bible/prayer time with them), are also covered by the blood of Jesus. Just as with Mom, God looks at my heart, my faith, my love for Him.

Have you ever noted the fact that when God created the earth and all that is therein, He called it "good"? Good. Not perfect. Good. Why did God not say that the creation was perfect? Because it was good, very good--but not perfect.

Other things in the Bible He called perfect: the offering of sacrifices (Leviticus 22:21), the law of the Lord, (Psalm 19:7), the ways of the Lord (Deuteronomy 32:3-4), His work (Psalm 18:30), the female companion in Song of Songs (5:2 and 6:9). If God called those things perfect, He could well have used that word for creation, but He did not. Why? Because He is exact and described it as it was: it was good, it was pleasing--but it was not perfect. This world, the very creation of God, is not perfect. We are not perfect. But God looks on us, on our faith, and He says, "It is good."

I never tire of remembering Stinky Lot, he who selfishly chose and took the better land from his uncle (Genesis, chapters 11-14 and 19). Every time I read his story I want to shake him, make him realize how wrong his decision is. But no matter how many times I read the story, the end is always the same. Lot chooses the best land for himself and ends up in a world of trouble. That's what he gets for being selfish, right? Yet, when he is remembered in the New Testament he is called a "righteous man" (2 Peter 2:7). How can that be? Selfishness, failing as a father ... yet God, the Boss of us, the Creator of us, chooses to forget the bad and lauds the good!

So my mom wasn't perfect. She loved God. So I have not been perfect. I love God. That's what He looks at. That is what validates us before Him.

I went into church as Grumpy Cat. I came out praising God for His mercy and grace.

"As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:12).

"Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching" (Hebrews 10:25).